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Why self-love isn't selfish?

Updated: Mar 24

The concept of self-love has been trendy lately. Some people even confuse self-love

with narcissism thinking it is all about loving oneself and not caring about other people. Whereas self-love has nothing to do with feeling superior. Others believe they might be selfish if they focus on loving themselves first.

So, let’s define self-love and clarify what self-love isn’t!

Self-love is about being your own best cheerleader!

Self-love means loving oneself in a healthy way. Self-love is about having a good sense

of esteem for oneself. It is about seeing oneself in a loving, respectful, and valuable

way; knowing you are worth being loved, respected, and valued as a human being.

It is to believe in your worthiness in an unshakable way.

Self-love is thinking good about oneself, and having this loving, encouraging,

compassionate voice in one’s head that supports you instead of putting you down all

day long. It is about being your own best cheerleader and not being your worst critic!

Self-love is also about knowing and doing what works best for you. Hence it is about

setting healthy boundaries with others who might not have your best interest in mind. It

is about prioritizing oneself in terms of self-care without obviously neglecting your loved

ones, especially your children who are still dependent on you and your caring attention

towards them.

Self-love is also about living in alignment with your values, choices, and your authentic

self. It is not about moulding into a self to please everyone around you to the

detriment of your well-being, time, and finances.

Self-love is also about having a good amount of confidence, and knowing that you are

capable and worth achieving your goals. It would help if you felt confident enough within

yourself to aspire to your dreams. Without a healthy amount of self-love

and self-confidence, it is indeed going to be challenging for you to work towards your

goals and achieve them.

Without self-love, you will probably self-sabotage yourself by subconsciously believing you are not good enough in some or all areas of your life. This will leave you feeling stuck, unhappy, and like a failure.

Self-love isn’t about being perfect

However, self-love isn’t perfectionism and having it all either. It isn’t about being the most flawless person if that person even exists. As human beings, no one is perfect and flawless. Self-love is not based on your physical appearance, your age, your dress size, the amount in your bank account, the diplomas you have completed, the position you hold in your company, or even the number of friends you have on Facebook. Self-love has nothing to do with numbers!


It is neither based on your achievements nor the common external measurements of success dictated by an ever-competitive society.


Self-love doesn’t compare, shame, minimize, criticize, or make you feel guilty or less than. Some people look for self-love as one looks for a perfect diamond. They do it through fault-finding and beating themselves up, waiting and challenging themselves, in pursuit of perfection.

They believe self-love is a destination they will eventually reach. This is what usually goes on in their head: “I will finally love myself once I can wear a size S; or once I get this job; or when I find the love of my life, etc.” Does this type of discourse resonate with you? If so, you first need to work on accepting yourself, just the way you are, that is, as a flawed individual! Because we are all flawed individuals, and this is what makes being human fascinating!

What does self-love imply when it comes to relationships?

When it comes to relationships, self-love is therefore not selfish. In healthy

relationships, there is a balance between giving and receiving. And if you are the one

who is always giving, you will end up feeling depleted and resentful.

If you do not answer your needs first, you will also feel like a beggar in your relationship, always waiting for the crumbs of love, care, and attention from your partner and others. And this type of behaviour will make you easy prey for the dysfunctional, narcissistic type of relationships.

Therefore, taking care of yourself first is a necessity if you want to be in a balanced and

healthy relationship.

One cannot pour from an empty cup! Once you can give yourself a healthy amount of

love, care, and attention, you will find yourself in a better position and happier disposition to

give love, attention, and care to your loved ones and people around you. And there will

be more chances that you will find yourself in a healthier, more balanced, romantic

relationship where caring for one another just flows effortlessly.

In a nutshell, self-love is not selfish, but “self-full” (i.e. helpful)!

So, as always take care of YOU!,

Yasmina Nagnoug

Transforming with Jasmine

If you find it difficult to love and prioritize yourself, and/or lack esteem and confidence in

yourself, I would be more than happy to give you more insights about how to progress in

your healing and self-development journey. Simply click the link below to book a FREE

discovery call with me.


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