To this question, most unhealed - and unconscious - people would certainly answer: “I
am not toxic; it is the people around me who are toxic!” I would reply that you are
partly right because if you have a “toxic” relationship with yourself, you have
probably surrounded yourself with a few toxic people in your life.
So, let’s clarify first, what do I mean by a toxic relationship with oneself? I use the word
“toxic” here as the opposite of “healthy”. You might wonder why I haven’t said an
“unhealthy” relationship with oneself then. I use the word toxic intentionally to awaken
you from this deep inner pain, this paralysis state, and the victimhood mentality you
might be in.
I use the strong word “toxic” with understanding, compassion, and empathy for the
extreme suffering that you may be experiencing. And before I dig deeper and explain
what a toxic or unhealthy relationship with oneself looks like, I want to tell you that
you are not alone, and it is not your fault. I have been there, and I know how much it
hurts. Therefore, I am not writing this article from a place of judgment, but rather from a
place of compassion.
Where does a toxic relationship with oneself come from?
A toxic or unhealthy relationship with oneself often takes its source from (a) deep-
rooted childhood trauma(s). This or these traumas may have affected you to such an
extent that you have suffered, or you are still suffering, from PTSD (post-traumatic
syndrome disorder) or even complex PTSD (check the links below for more
understanding of these serious mental health conditions). Because of one or several
adverse childhood experiences, and the traumas that have often ensued from them, you
have not been able to develop a secure attachment with your prime caregivers, i.e. your
parents for most cases.
Your fundamental needs haven’t been met either. You have therefore developed one or
several childhood wounds; the most common ones being: the wound of rejection,
abandonment, betrayal, humiliation, and injustice. To summarize, you have been
conditioned by your childhood - and often your culture too - to develop a poor,
unhealthy, or toxic relationship with yourself. So, it is definitely NOT YOUR FAULT!
My objective in this short post is not to delve deep into the causes of having a toxic
relationship with oneself, which will require another article of its own, but to tackle the
symptoms of this issue and give you a few steps on how to start to overcome it and
progress in your healing and self-development journey.
How does an unhealthy relationship with yourself manifest itself in your life?
A toxic relationship with oneself can manifest in your life in different ways. It is very
painful because it feels like you are your worst enemy and you are often not even aware
of it! Your level of self-worth, self-esteem, and self-love is so low that you may feel
unworthy of being loved, listened to, seen, recognized, respected, and valued. You are
probably afraid of being abandoned, not taken care of, and not being appreciated. You
may be in a state of hyper-vigilance, constantly scanning for dangers, imagining the
worst-case scenarios. You are probably an overthinker, focusing on your problems!
You may have a very critical inner voice telling you that, “you are not enough”, i.e., not good
enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not lovable enough, and the list of “not
enough Ness” goes on, however hard you try to bridge the gaps!
You also certainly have limited beliefs about yourself that keep you stuck in situations
that are far from being satisfying and fulfilling for you. You feel confused, not in
adequacy with your true authentic self, and not aligned with your values. Your life
purpose seems not important and so are your needs.
You may not even be aware of your needs if you are a fixer, or a savior, always trying to attend to everyone else’s needs first, or trying to save unhealthy, addicted, or toxic partners for example. You probably have a pattern of attracting avoidant, unavailable, toxic, or even narcissistic partners. It seems that you are so unlucky that many of your relationships are
dysfunctional. This leaves you in a constant state of anxiety and solitude.
Most of my clients also have some physical pain; they have developed a gut issue, such
as IBS, or a skin issue like eczema, and/or have some difficulty relaxing and sleeping. Some may even have developed an auto-immune disease.
Most of my clients also suffer from some sort of addiction - cigarettes, alcohol, eating
disorders, etc. - and are probably very much co-dependent in their relationship, which is
a form of addiction too. Above all, they have a deep hidden pain inside them that
sometimes feels unsurmountable! They are not happy, they may be very sad, or even
depressed.
Do you feel unworthy, unhappy, and stuck?
Because this pain is so familiar and you are so unaware of what is going on within
you, you may have become accustomed to who you are, that is, an unhappy,
stressed out, anxious, and unfulfilled person. You are feeling stuck, and you are not
able to see a way out of this dead-end path.
But I am here to tell you that I am living proof that there is hope; there is a light at the
end of this tunnel. Above all you are not toxic, on the contrary, you are an amazing
human being with a beautiful heart.
You just need to heal and develop a healthier relationship with yourself so all the other areas of your life can begin to blossom.
For example, my client Hala, used to be so anxious, depressed, and extremely
codependent in her marriage that she even thought of committing suicide. Her suffering
was extreme mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Though she is a beautiful soul,
with a big heart, a devoted wife and mother, and an exceptional friend, she was unable
to see her beauty and had a very long list of “not enough Ness”! Most of her problems
stemmed from an unhealthy relationship with herself that she had developed since her
childhood. However, she managed to transform beyond recognition thanks to my
healing and self-development program. This is her testimonial after just one session of
Rapid Transformational Therapy, RTT:
“When I had my hypnosis session with Jasmine, I was hitting rock bottom, mentally and
physically. I was suffering from severe anxiety and a nervous breakdown. I thought I
was going to die; it was horrible! From my first session, I felt so much better I couldn't
believe it! I felt so much more in control, a lot more empowered. I was even able to drive
though I have always been afraid of driving. I just instantly calmed down and became
more reasonable and in control of my thinking and feelings. I later got addicted to the
recordings which have become my safe spot, my grounding tool. Jasmine's angelic
voice is an extra advantage as I found the recordings soothing and
they would help me fall asleep too. Having this session with Jasmine was a
lifesaving decision and I'm very thankful to Jasmine.” Hala, Saudi Arabia.
My 3-step awakening and transformational approach to developing a healthier relationship with yourself:
If you resonate partly or fully with this description of someone suffering from
an unhealthy relationship with oneself, let me give you my 3-step transformational and
awakening approach that will help you start developing a healthier relationship with your
own self.
1. Gaining awareness of what is going on and finding the root cause of your issue is an essential step often missed by some psychologists and psychiatrists.
I believe that we can’t heal what we don’t understand. Staying in the fog, feeling stuck,
and hurting can lead you to a lot of confusion, misunderstanding, even shame, and
the idea that you are “not enough” and things will never get better. This is the reason why
you should gain awareness that your relationship with yourself is key to changing who
you are and the situation you are in.
If you are not happy with the image you see in the mirror, you need to want to change
and have compassion for yourself first. This is the first step towards self-love and
developing a healthier relationship with yourself. The second step consists of doing an
inventory of your life and finding the root cause of your issue(s).
This is where Rapid Transformational Therapy with hypnotherapy can really help you
dig deep into the cause of any presenting problem you have. Whether it is emotional,
physical, mental, behavioural, or relational, there is always an event - or some events - in
your past that has created an imprint in your subconscious mind. The interpretation of
this or these event(s) has made you believe something about yourself that has limited
you, preventing you from developing a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
Hypnosis and other powerful therapeutic tools will allow you to find the cause(s) of your
issue(s), and this in itself is already a big step in your healing journey!
2. Healing your “inner child” and filling in your emotional bucket by answering your fundamental needs.
The second major step in your wellbeing journey is doing deep healing work that will
allow you to reconcile yourself with your past and massively improve your relationship
with your own self. This takes courage and resilience, but it is so worth it and
necessary to improve the relationship with yourself and what we call your “inner child”,
who is the younger version(s) of you that felt hurt, vulnerable, and “not enough”. The
adult self who is suffering from low self-worth, wounded self-esteem, a lack of confidence,
i.e., a poor relationship with themselves is someone whose fundamental needs of love,
connection and safety were not met as a child.
Hence the importance of healing “the inner child” within you and filling up your
emotional bucket by meeting all the needs that are lacking in your life today.
RTT uses some powerful therapeutic tools to heal your inner child such as, “dialoguing
with the hurter”; “upgrading the child”; “the praises you always wanted”; and “becoming
your loving parent”. The fact that these techniques are used while you are under
hypnosis makes them 10 times more efficient to do the healing work you strongly need.
3. Empowering you by reconnecting with your authentic healthy self and unleashing your potential.
This is where coaching and Rapid Transformational therapeutic Coaching - RTC - can
be very beneficial since we will no longer focus on your past, but more on your present
and future. This transformational, empowering, individualized coaching approach will
imply working on your life vision, knowing not only your character strengths but also
defining what you really want.
Indeed, we often know what we don’t want, but lack clarity about our aspirations, goals,
and life purpose. You will also gain skills to communicate and express yourself
authentically - something difficult for someone who always felt they didn't have a voice
in their relationships. You will learn to assert your needs and set boundaries with toxic
people around you.
You will interrupt limiting beliefs that sabotage your life and prevent you from effecting
change(s). Instead, you will embed new, empowering beliefs that will rewire your
subconscious mind positively; hence stopping non-beneficial habits and shifting
negative thought patterns will automatically unfold. With RTC and my self-development
programs, unleashing your potential and taking action towards your success will
become totally possible! These powerful coaching techniques will enable you to become
unstoppable and the best version of the person you aspire to be!
To conclude…
This 3-step transformational, awakening approach to therapy and coaching is very
holistic and complete if you want to get unstuck, heal, unlock your potential, and fall in
love with yourself again.
We are all born whole, lovable, enough, and healthy.
Reconnecting with your authentic self and developing a healthier relationship with
yourself is the best gift you can give yourself. It is the master key to heal deeply and
improve all the other areas of your life.
This concept and approach to therapy and coaching is reinforced by one of the best
pioneers in self-development, Louise Hay: “When people come to me with a problem - I
don’t care what it is - poor health, lack of money, unfulfilling relationships, or stifled
creativity - there is only one thing that I ever work on, and that is LOVING THE SELF. I
find that when we really love, accept, and approve of ourselves exactly as we are,
everything in life flows. Self-approval and self-acceptance here and now are the keys to
positive changes in every area of our lives.” Love Yourself, Heal Your Life, Louise Hay.
If you want to learn more about my transformational and awakening method of therapy
and coaching, do not hesitate to contact me via email @ Jasmin Nagnoug or jump on a
free discovery call with me by clicking the link below:
consultation?referral=service_list_widget
And as always take care of YOU!
Yasmina Nagnoug Mejai
Transforming with Jasmine
For more information on PTSD and complex PTSD, please visit:
ptsd/complex/
Please let me know if this article is helpful. Your comments below are always welcome!