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HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM YOUR TOXIC SELF?

Updated: Feb 21



To this question, most unhealed - and unconscious - people would certainly answer: “I

am not toxic; it is the people around me who are toxic!” I would reply that you are

partly right because if you have a “toxic” relationship with yourself, you have

probably surrounded yourself with a few toxic people in your life.


So, let’s clarify first, what do I mean by a toxic relationship with oneself? I use the word

“toxic” here as the opposite of “healthy”. You might wonder why I haven’t said an

“unhealthy” relationship with oneself then. I use the word toxic intentionally to awaken

you from this deep inner pain, this paralysis state, and the victimhood mentality you

might be in.


I use the strong word “toxic” with understanding, compassion, and empathy for the

extreme suffering that you may be experiencing. And before I dig deeper and explain

what a toxic or unhealthy relationship with oneself looks like, I want to tell you that

you are not alone, and it is not your fault. I have been there, and I know how much it

hurts. Therefore, I am not writing this article from a place of judgment, but rather from a

place of compassion.


Where does a toxic relationship with oneself come from?

A toxic or unhealthy relationship with oneself often takes its source from (a) deep-

rooted childhood trauma(s). This or these traumas may have affected you to such an

extent that you have suffered, or you are still suffering, from PTSD (post-traumatic

syndrome disorder) or even complex PTSD (check the links below for more

understanding of these serious mental health conditions). Because of one or several

adverse childhood experiences, and the traumas that have often ensued from them, you

have not been able to develop a secure attachment with your prime caregivers, i.e. your

parents for most cases.


Your fundamental needs haven’t been met either. You have therefore developed one or

several childhood wounds; the most common ones being: the wound of rejection,

abandonment, betrayal, humiliation, and injustice. To summarize, you have been

conditioned by your childhood - and often your culture too - to develop a poor,

unhealthy, or toxic relationship with yourself. So, it is definitely NOT YOUR FAULT!


My objective in this short post is not to delve deep into the causes of having a toxic

relationship with oneself, which will require another article of its own, but to tackle the

symptoms of this issue and give you a few steps on how to start to overcome it and

progress in your healing and self-development journey.


How does an unhealthy relationship with yourself manifest itself in your life?

A toxic relationship with oneself can manifest in your life in different ways. It is very

painful because it feels like you are your worst enemy and you are often not even aware

of it! Your level of self-worth, self-esteem, and self-love is so low that you may feel

unworthy of being loved, listened to, seen, recognized, respected, and valued. You are

probably afraid of being abandoned, not taken care of, and not being appreciated. You

may be in a state of hyper-vigilance, constantly scanning for dangers, imagining the

worst-case scenarios. You are probably an overthinker, focusing on your problems!


You may have a very critical inner voice telling you that, “you are not enough”, i.e., not good

enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not lovable enough, and the list of “not

enough Ness” goes on, however hard you try to bridge the gaps!


You also certainly have limited beliefs about yourself that keep you stuck in situations

that are far from being satisfying and fulfilling for you. You feel confused, not in

adequacy with your true authentic self, and not aligned with your values. Your life

purpose seems not important and so are your needs.


You may not even be aware of your needs if you are a fixer, or a savior, always trying to attend to everyone else’s needs first, or trying to save unhealthy, addicted, or toxic partners for example. You probably have a pattern of attracting avoidant, unavailable, toxic, or even narcissistic partners. It seems that you are so unlucky that many of your relationships are

dysfunctional. This leaves you in a constant state of anxiety and solitude.


Most of my clients also have some physical pain; they have developed a gut issue, such

as IBS, or a skin issue like eczema, and/or have some difficulty relaxing and sleeping. Some may even have developed an auto-immune disease.


Most of my clients also suffer from some sort of addiction - cigarettes, alcohol, eating

disorders, etc. - and are probably very much co-dependent in their relationship, which is

a form of addiction too. Above all, they have a deep hidden pain inside them that

sometimes feels unsurmountable! They are not happy, they may be very sad, or even

depressed.


Do you feel unworthy, unhappy, and stuck?

Because this pain is so familiar and you are so unaware of what is going on within

you, you may have become accustomed to who you are, that is, an unhappy,

stressed out, anxious, and unfulfilled person. You are feeling stuck, and you are not

able to see a way out of this dead-end path.


But I am here to tell you that I am living proof that there is hope; there is a light at the

end of this tunnel. Above all you are not toxic, on the contrary, you are an amazing

human being with a beautiful heart.


You just need to heal and develop a healthier relationship with yourself so all the other areas of your life can begin to blossom.


For example, my client Hala, used to be so anxious, depressed, and extremely

codependent in her marriage that she even thought of committing suicide. Her suffering

was extreme mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Though she is a beautiful soul,

with a big heart, a devoted wife and mother, and an exceptional friend, she was unable

to see her beauty and had a very long list of “not enough Ness”! Most of her problems

stemmed from an unhealthy relationship with herself that she had developed since her

childhood. However, she managed to transform beyond recognition thanks to my

healing and self-development program. This is her testimonial after just one session of

Rapid Transformational Therapy, RTT:


“When I had my hypnosis session with Jasmine, I was hitting rock bottom, mentally and

physically. I was suffering from severe anxiety and a nervous breakdown. I thought I

was going to die; it was horrible! From my first session, I felt so much better I couldn't

believe it! I felt so much more in control, a lot more empowered. I was even able to drive

though I have always been afraid of driving. I just instantly calmed down and became

more reasonable and in control of my thinking and feelings. I later got addicted to the

recordings which have become my safe spot, my grounding tool. Jasmine's angelic

voice is an extra advantage as I found the recordings soothing and

they would help me fall asleep too. Having this session with Jasmine was a

lifesaving decision and I'm very thankful to Jasmine.” Hala, Saudi Arabia.


My 3-step awakening and transformational approach to developing a healthier relationship with yourself:

If you resonate partly or fully with this description of someone suffering from

an unhealthy relationship with oneself, let me give you my 3-step transformational and

awakening approach that will help you start developing a healthier relationship with your

own self.


1. Gaining awareness of what is going on and finding the root cause of your issue is an essential step often missed by some psychologists and psychiatrists.

I believe that we can’t heal what we don’t understand. Staying in the fog, feeling stuck,

and hurting can lead you to a lot of confusion, misunderstanding, even shame, and

the idea that you are “not enough” and things will never get better. This is the reason why

you should gain awareness that your relationship with yourself is key to changing who

you are and the situation you are in.


If you are not happy with the image you see in the mirror, you need to want to change

and have compassion for yourself first. This is the first step towards self-love and

developing a healthier relationship with yourself. The second step consists of doing an

inventory of your life and finding the root cause of your issue(s).


This is where Rapid Transformational Therapy with hypnotherapy can really help you

dig deep into the cause of any presenting problem you have. Whether it is emotional,

physical, mental, behavioural, or relational, there is always an event - or some events - in

your past that has created an imprint in your subconscious mind. The interpretation of

this or these event(s) has made you believe something about yourself that has limited

you, preventing you from developing a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

Hypnosis and other powerful therapeutic tools will allow you to find the cause(s) of your

issue(s), and this in itself is already a big step in your healing journey!


2. Healing your “inner child” and filling in your emotional bucket by answering your fundamental needs.

The second major step in your wellbeing journey is doing deep healing work that will

allow you to reconcile yourself with your past and massively improve your relationship

with your own self. This takes courage and resilience, but it is so worth it and

necessary to improve the relationship with yourself and what we call your “inner child”,

who is the younger version(s) of you that felt hurt, vulnerable, and “not enough”. The

adult self who is suffering from low self-worth, wounded self-esteem, a lack of confidence,

i.e., a poor relationship with themselves is someone whose fundamental needs of love,

connection and safety were not met as a child.


Hence the importance of healing “the inner child” within you and filling up your

emotional bucket by meeting all the needs that are lacking in your life today.


RTT uses some powerful therapeutic tools to heal your inner child such as, “dialoguing

with the hurter”; “upgrading the child”; “the praises you always wanted”; and “becoming

your loving parent”. The fact that these techniques are used while you are under

hypnosis makes them 10 times more efficient to do the healing work you strongly need.


3. Empowering you by reconnecting with your authentic healthy self and unleashing your potential.

This is where coaching and Rapid Transformational therapeutic Coaching - RTC - can

be very beneficial since we will no longer focus on your past, but more on your present

and future. This transformational, empowering, individualized coaching approach will

imply working on your life vision, knowing not only your character strengths but also

defining what you really want.


Indeed, we often know what we don’t want, but lack clarity about our aspirations, goals,

and life purpose. You will also gain skills to communicate and express yourself

authentically - something difficult for someone who always felt they didn't have a voice

in their relationships. You will learn to assert your needs and set boundaries with toxic

people around you.


You will interrupt limiting beliefs that sabotage your life and prevent you from effecting

change(s). Instead, you will embed new, empowering beliefs that will rewire your

subconscious mind positively; hence stopping non-beneficial habits and shifting

negative thought patterns will automatically unfold. With RTC and my self-development

programs, unleashing your potential and taking action towards your success will

become totally possible! These powerful coaching techniques will enable you to become

unstoppable and the best version of the person you aspire to be!


To conclude…

This 3-step transformational, awakening approach to therapy and coaching is very

holistic and complete if you want to get unstuck, heal, unlock your potential, and fall in

love with yourself again.


We are all born whole, lovable, enough, and healthy.


Reconnecting with your authentic self and developing a healthier relationship with

yourself is the best gift you can give yourself. It is the master key to heal deeply and

improve all the other areas of your life.


This concept and approach to therapy and coaching is reinforced by one of the best

pioneers in self-development, Louise Hay: “When people come to me with a problem - I

don’t care what it is - poor health, lack of money, unfulfilling relationships, or stifled

creativity - there is only one thing that I ever work on, and that is LOVING THE SELF. I

find that when we really love, accept, and approve of ourselves exactly as we are,

everything in life flows. Self-approval and self-acceptance here and now are the keys to

positive changes in every area of our lives.” Love Yourself, Heal Your Life, Louise Hay.


If you want to learn more about my transformational and awakening method of therapy

and coaching, do not hesitate to contact me via email @ Jasmin Nagnoug or jump on a

free discovery call with me by clicking the link below:


consultation?referral=service_list_widget


And as always take care of YOU!


Yasmina Nagnoug Mejai

Transforming with Jasmine


For more information on PTSD and complex PTSD, please visit:

ptsd/complex/


Please let me know if this article is helpful. Your comments below are always welcome!

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